The Family Unit

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In Chinese families children are the most important commodities because they are the future, senior family members will do all that they think is possible to gain success through that child.In China, the family is usually a small group of related people through kin or marriage, much like it is in western society. Traditionally the oldest male will be the leader of that family group, with harmony and order being the main goals or concept of the family unit.

 

Harmony and Rules

 

From ancient times until the present day the overall happiness of the family would see several generations living together under one roof within the philosophy of Confucianism, bringing together cooperation and the unification of each family member living together under a harmonious concept. The rules when set are strict, each family member must obey the rules that are set for him or her so that the family benefits as a whole and not to the benefit of an individual.

 

Marriage and the Role of Children

 

Traditionally the husband is in charge or the boss within a marriage, now many Chinese marriages are seen as being more of a partnership with periods of happiness and hardship, shared and endured together. As children become adults, their role is to look after their parents as they in turn become older. This tradition of looking after and caring for your elders is still mostly followed, although with many people moving to the cities some older generations are being neglected when left behind in the countryside and forgotten.

 

One Child Policy and Pressure to be a Success

 

Parents and particularly grandparents do everything possible for the younger generations of their family; this is particularly so since the one child policy was introduced in 1979. This policy has recently been relaxed, but for now most families just have the one child so all available resources are piled into that child, with up to 4 grandparents and 2 parents offering support but additionally pressure to succeed through school for the successful future of their family. There is little free time for play, study and to be a success is the only goal. Every parent expects their child to go on to university, although in reality this is not possible. Just as in other cultures, many students are just not suited to learning in school. These people when they become adults may find other skills to support their family in their future.

 

My Experience of Integrating into a Chinese Family

 

I first came to China in 2007 for one year, I returned in 2010 meeting the lady who would later become my wife shortly after my return. During my time in China I have met a number of western people that have been in or are in long term relationships with a Chinese partner. Some have been a success and ongoing, while others have not. One friend from a few years ago had a failed marriage with the family of his wife not once referring to him by name, always using the Chinese word for foreigner (laowai) when speaking about him. Others have failed for various reasons as happens within any relationship.

In my experience, I have always been treated well by my wife’s family and their friends, always made to feel welcome whenever we visit them in Guangxi province. My wife (like me) had been married before, her first husband was from Jiangxi province so she has mostly lived there for about 15 years, her friends there have always welcomed me and I now have lots of Chinese friends in Jiangxi and Guangxi (as well as elsewhere). Maybe I am just lucky and found some good people!